My Life
by Sarah McLearing
Summary: I closed my eyes, trying to block out the horrifying images that had crossed my path. Realizing that something like that wasn’t possible, they had engraved themselves in my mind. Replaying them like a record that was broken, but forgotten to be replaced.
1. Prologue As the sun came down

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter and do not have the intent to make any money out of these stories. Harry Potter and everything related belongs to J.K. Rowling, I just write fan fiction.

**Summary:** The world could crumble and I wouldn't care at all. There was nothing to care about anymore…

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My Life.  


_Prologue; As the sun came down._

Today the war was lost, along with everything I ever knew. Hogwarts cried blood as Voldemort stepped inside, like he had always belonged there. Looking around I couldn't see anyone familiar to me. The one's that I did know, would never see me again. They were staring into something no living soul could ever see. Death.

I closed my eyes, trying to block out the horrifying images that had crossed my path. Realizing that something like that wasn't possible, they had engraved themselves in my mind. Replaying them like a record that was broken, but forgotten to be replaced. I felt like crying, but this was neither the time nor place for that and I knew it. At this moment I only wanted to go home and hug my parents. I only wanted someone to tell me everything would be alright. But as the sun came down over the magical world, I realised one thing. Nothing would ever be the same again, everything had changed during the few last hours.

I didn't have a home to return to, my parents were killed and the world would soon be ruled by an inhuman king that positively hated her inheritance and his own, Partially that is, he seemed to love the magical part of himself. I sighed and looked at my feet, wise beyond my years and probably in need for a counsellor for the rest of my life. I'm just eleven, why did I need to witness all those things today?

As the sun came down and shadows took all I knew and loved and all I cared for, something inside of me changed. I realised that the world could crumble and fall down and I wouldn't care. There was nothing left to care about…

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Authors Note:** The prologue is really short, but I need it to be so that I'm able to set the tone for the rest of the story. I hope that you'll keep reading, cause it'll become a lot better after this! I promise this to you!


	2. Chapter 1 Shadows on the soul

**1. Shadow on the soul**

"Sarah! Stop!" I could hear the voice of my best friend very clearly, but I couldn't make my feet stand still for a single moment. I needed to get away from that cursed place, it made my blood run cold within my veins. The smell of rotting corpses followed my everywhere I went and I felled like throwing up my intestines. Not one person with a bit of feeling in his body could do the things that had been done to those poor Muggles.

I could hear Lisa panting right behind my. No matter how bad things got, she always stuck to me like a nail to a finger. That was no surprise, we had been partners in this horrid war since we had been thirteen years old. We knew and understand each other like a married couple and trusted their lives to one another. She never left my side and if I hadn't been so impulsive, I would've never left hers. Her breath got louder as she grabbed my arm to slow me down and she rasped: "Not Diagon Ally Sarah, it's not save."

"No place is save these days!" I spit out the words like they where venomous and jerked away my arm. I didn't slow down my pace however. To get to our shelter we had to go straight through 'Deatheater Central' and Lisa realised it to. The little layer of snow was making it very difficult to run, but as long as we didn't fall there wouldn't be a problem. But it could get tricky, with all the shops everywhere and the chance of someone unwanted stepping out of one of the doors was very likely.

"Just two more streets to go." Lisa muttered the words, almost as saying it out loud would cast a curse over them. "Crap! Lisa! Put on the breaks!" I shouted as I caught eye of two hooded men and tried to stop dead in my tracks. The snow beneath our feet however didn't allow that and we had to watch ourselves slide on for several metres. As we skidded to a halt, I could see the shiny shoes of the hooded men and my brain was working franticly to come up with a plausible excuses why we were right in front of their feet.

Slowly I looked up and my green eyes met grey ones. One look of those eyes made my blood run as cold as ice. I could feel Lisa's hand on my back, trembling like she expected that her last hours on earth had passed, without her noticing. How many times before hadn't we been in a situation like this? We always managed, we grew up in this war! As those thoughts came up, I managed a daring smile. "What would be you pleasure, My Lord?"

My voice sounded alien, even to myself but I could feel Lisa relax slightly. The man in front of her however raised one perfect eyebrow as he looked the two young women that we were. He didn't say a word and the second man slowly took a step forward, also taking in a look at us. His brown eyes seemed to look straight trough us and I shivered as he opened his mouth and said sneering: "Leave them Draco. They are way to young, even for your taste." The other man's eyes narrowed, as though he was about to disagree with his 'partner' but after a brief hesitation he shrugged and turned around.

"They probably won't last the winter, it hardly calls for my intervention," he muttered as they both walked away. It wouldn't surprise me as he thought that we couldn't hear him, but sadly we could. Before I could restrain myself I had grabbed a handful snow and threw it at him. "Bastard! We will live longer than you will!" I shouted the words as the snow hit him square between the shoulders and he whisked around, wand at the ready.

"You little bitch!" He snarled as we turned around and ran as fast as the snow would allow us to. Someday my temper would certainly get us killed, there was no doubt about it. As we ran into a little side street, I could feel a breeze pass me but I couldn't, wouldn't look behind me. They weren't following us, it was a harmless curse, they just wanted to scare me. Maybe, if I repeated that long enough, I would believe it myself.

I slumped against the wall, trying to catch my breath and felt Lisa do the exact same thing. She breathed hard and I could hear her swallow before she said: "You do realize that lying like that will leave a mark on your conscience? One day, you will start to believe the nonsense you're saying and I'll loose you." A small smile appeared on my lips and I had to use all my strength not to say something sarcastic to Lisa. It was just her way of saying that I got away lucky and that maybe next time, I wouldn't be so lucky at all.

She just didn't seem to understand that Lisa and I would be better of without our conscience, it would make things so much easier. At this point, we hadn't done much in the war, but the shadows had already begun to make their descent on our souls. We just didn't realize it yet, 'cause it would mean we would loose everything we believed in. But the truth being told, we had marks on our conscience ever since the war had come to an violent eruption…

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_Sorry for the delay, I've been experiencing some trouble with document oploader..._


	3. Chapter 2 Little Hatchlings

**2. Little Hatchlings.**

On our way home, Lisa and I kept our heads down and our mouths shut. Even though the chance of Lisa getting either one of us into trouble was very slim. It was usually my big mouth that got the both of us into trouble, but is never blamed me for it. Maybe she realized that I knew that it was my fault and didn't feel the need to badger me with that little fact. And at this very moment, I was so glad that we had come to the silent agreement not to tell our 'protector' about our little adventures. She would surely lock us up in a far and forgotten room, just to keep us save.

We slipped back in the house, using the front door. It was never being used, so it was the perfect method to slip in and out of the hiding place of the rebels. Because that was where we were living. We were being trained to fight in the war, ever since that day at Hogwarts. The day that everything shifted in the magical world and both Lisa and I lost everything we held dear. We had been training for nearly six years now, but we had never been in a real situation, where we not only were fighting for lives, but also defending the one sole thing we both believed in. Freedom.

At least, that was what we had been told since the war had started. I mainly believed in living, surviving, freedom didn't really matter to me at this point. People didn't live forever, they came and went. By the time I would be an adult, a full grown adult, Voldemort would be something in the past. With a little luck the world would be back to normal by then. The way it would always remind it in my head, the way I still hoped it to be yet again in the near future.

"I'm not about to repeat myself Hermione!" a voice shouted aggressively and Lisa and I froze in the hallway, just outside the kitchen. "If you don't keep you little hatchlings in check, they are better of dead next time they run into Draco Malfoy! Babysitting wasn't part of our deal and maybe next time, I won't be able to convince Draco that they aren't way to young for his taste. Because by then, he might be sober enough to realize that is nothing more than a lie." The threatening voice of a man sounded and I could only stare at the swinging door, leading into the kitchen. Was there a dark wizard in the house?

"Don't you dare threaten me in my own house Zambini!" The voice of Hermione Granger sounded harsh and before Lisa and I realized what was happening a tall dark man cam sprawling trough the kitchen door. His robes tangled over his has as he dived into the wall, face first and Hermione came into the hallway. Lisa and I tried to disappear into the shadows, but she had already shot us a look that said we were in trouble, big trouble. But for now, her full attention was focussed on the crumpled man, now trying to disentangle himself from his robes.

"Lets just get one thing clear, before you leave Zambini. Just keep your end of the bargain and everything will be fine. My 'little hatchlings' as you so called them, are able to fend for themselves perfectly. After al that is what they are being taught here." Hermione's voice sounded deadly calm, but she still had her wand raised, as though she expected the wizard to retaliate.

I didn't understand anything about the situation but knew that this wasn't the time to ask questions. I had managed to get into more trouble that I had ever expected. At this point, it seemed the wised thing to do was keep my mouth shut and by the look on Lisa's face, she would whack me over the head with something heavy if I dared to open my mouth. Next to that, I was silently hoping that Hermione and the Deatheater would charge at each other, giving me an excuse to use my own wand.

Blaise Zambini however, just straightened his robes and walked toward the door. But as he passed me his steps slowed and he eventually came to an halt. He looked at me as though he was sizing me up and I answered his look with a challenging one of my own. At that, the brown eyes of the man narrowed ever so slightly and it send shivers down my spine.

"Silly little girl. You better lean to keep you tongue behind your teeth or your it might get you killed one day. There are worse things on the loose that Draco Malfoy, compared to them he's nothing more than an angel, straight from heaven. If you are smarter then you look, you won't go outside for a while, the blonde devil is furious…" The man's voice was a mere whisper, but it washed over me like a cold shower. It felt like the time I accidentally had walking trough a ghost while being at Hogwarts, but I refused to be beaten down be a Deatheater.

"Maybe I don't care about dying, do you really believe I've got something left? I died six years ago, but my body just hasn't caught up with my soul yet. Your kind made sure I didn't have anything left to love, but you forgot to kill the reason for me to fight, myself." I hissed the words at the Deatheater as I took one step forward to show him I wasn't impressed by him. He seemed slightly taken aback, but soon enough a mocking smile crossed his rather handsome features. "What a rude mistakes of 'my kind.' How dare we?" he said mockingly, but before I could blow the up, Hermione stepped in.

"Just shut your big mouth before something comes out that you really don't want to say in this house Zambini," she muttered softly, but the man closed his mouth without making any sound. Next to Hermoine, Lisa was standing, her wand raised, ready to defend me, may the occasion arise. Blaise Zambini decided at this point, that it was better to leave the house, Hermione Granger would be more than capable to reprimand the two girl. She had far more practise in that area than he had. "I will see you Granger," he said, before leaving the house and heading back to the castle where the Deatheaters were currently housed.


	4. Chapter 3 Road of destruction

**A/N: **My best friend is writing a spin off to this story. She is writing from the character Lisa. You can find her story under the penname Lisa Morningstar.

**3. Road of destruction.**

The moon was slowly rising about the magical world, bravely shining down upon the world, as though noting could possibly harm it. I just stared at it, sitting on the edge of my wooden bed. Lisa wouldn't talk to me, due to the fact that Hermione had grounded us. As though she had the right to do such a thing. She wasn't a parent, nor my guardian. Next to that, Lisa and I were both adults, according to wizarding law. We were fully capable to make our own decisions.

But there I was, sitting in my room, like a four-year-old that had stolen a cookie when its mother wasn't looking. Obedience was something that Hermione Granger expected from all young men and women in the house. Disobedience would only earn you punishments, like I was experiencing first hand yet again. I couldn't even remember the first time I had been grounded, but I did recall that I had been partnered with Lisa shortly after that. She was always the calmer one of us and I figured that Hermione thought it might slow me down.

She was worried about me and I knew it. However, that didn't stop me, I just pretended that I didn't know. Until she sat me down in the living room to talk to me, that is. I could remember the conversation like it took place yesterday. I barely was thirteen, but Hermione had explained everything to me like I was an adult. And the truth being told, it had left its impression on me.

"_Look at me Sarah," said Hermione Granger and I blew away a stray lock of red hair, before looking at the woman sitting opposite of me. Concern was clouding her hazel coloured eyes and for a moment she didn't say anything. As if her words would leave more of a mark on me when she kept silent for just a little longer._

"_Do you want to die Sarah?" she asked me softly and I pressed my lips firmly together. My green eyes were staring in her brown. What if I wanted to die? It wasn't like there was anyone to miss me anymore. Everyone I'd ever care about was dead now. Murdered by a madman. My parents, my grandparents, all my friends. There was no one left in the world I cared about. Stubbornly I crossed my arms but kept looking at Hermione as she continued. "Because if you do want to die, you're going the right way. You are on a road of destruction heading nowhere fast Sarah. Do you realize that?"_

_I still didn't answer her and Hermione sighed. She leaned towards me and placed her hand on my knee. I jerked it away. I did not recall that I had given her permission to touch me. The young woman's hand hovered for a moment but after a second of five she lowered it and sighed again._

"_This didn't only happened to you Sarah. This happened to a lot of other people to. A lot of children have lost everything they have ever known. The past is gone and we can't change it, how bad we may want to. We need to keep going as not to blemish the memories of all those people who didn't make it. Our lives may have been destroyed, but not our spirits._

_You still have a decision to make Sarah. Do you keep heading nowhere or do you want to make a difference in the world?"_

I still hadn't made my decision but I was still alive. That was saying something. Being partners with Lisa meant that if I got killed, so would she. I didn't want her death on my conscience. I wasn't particularly careful, but careful enough not to get killed. In more ways than one Lisa was the only family I had left. She was my good and bad. My best friend en worst enemy. My protector in many ways and I hoped to be all of that for her to.

"Sarah! Evening class in five, are you coming down?" Ginny's voice broke through my thoughts and I looked at her. She was one of the teachers of the evening classes and managed to make everything very interesting. It was fun to try and guess what she had planned out this time. She was also a bit easier to talk to, being one of the youngest of the teachers. So I felt free to grin as she said: "We'll try to let of some steam. I heard you need to lose some energy!"

So the story of Lisa en my newest scandal was travelling freely around the house. Something that was expected, but not welcomed. Ginny waved at me as though she thought I didn't hear her and said: "Ron is in the classroom already. I'll be there, I just got to badger some of the others into coming. See you there!"

I nodded at her and started to get of the bed. By the time I had reached the door, Ginny had already left. I shook my head and started to head downstairs to the 'family-tree room' where the evening classed were being held. I wasn't particularity enthusiastic that Ginny's older brother would be sitting in. He was Hermione's husband so he was bound to know about her latest escapade already.

And being a man he just loved to lecture women. But Ron didn't even try to lecture me as I walked into the huge room. He just sat in his usual seat, staring at a small group I knew all too well and chose to ignore most of the time. They were about the most annoying and arrogant boy's I had ever met and I certainly didn't enjoy having to work with them. So I said nothing and just sat down in a chair. A scraping sound was audible as I pulled the chair forward slightly and at the sound, the boys their attention was turned to me.

"Oi! Sarah! I heard you tried to pick a fight with two male Deatheaters! If you wanted a man in your bed, all you had to do was ask me!" The leader of the gang shouted and I found myself smile ever so lightly.

"If I wanted a man in my bed Brian, I wouldn't ask you. There isn't a manly thing about you." I answered slowly while looking him straight in the eyes.

"Then you'll need to take a better look," the boy said, making a rude gesture with his body and within a second I stood next to him, slamming his head into the desk. I leaned forward, until my face was just centimetres removes from his and hissed: "I looked and told you exactly what I thought. You are no man, you are a coward!"

"Sarah!" A warning voice sounded trough the classroom and I released Brian's head, without much enthusiasm. I shot a look at Ron, who had stated to rise from his chair and looked at me as though I had stepped in something filthy. I had not. However I did place my hands in something vile. Brian's hair. Before I could say anything however, Ginny came back in the room with a couple of the girls. She places a bag on Ron's desk and started to move the tables to the walls.

"Today we are going to practise Muggle self-defence. You might think it to be totally futile, but there might be a time in space when you've lost your wand and you're despaired for something like this. When you're without any kind of magical defence, this might be your last resort to stay alive," Ginny explained. Her voice sounded calm, but was audible throughout the entire classroom. She leaned against the desk and looked at her students with a small smile on her face.

"For this exercise I need one of the girls to stand, facing the wall. I will give you a Muggle artefact and you will need to defence yourself against what might be coming at you. Now, mind you! This kind of self-defence will only work when you attacker wants to attack you in a physical way and not with curses. This won't stop any hexes and you'd do well to run when your attacker does have a wand and you don't."

A couple of snickers where audible and I smiled. Ginny took in al her students and pointed at me, just as I was wondering where Lisa was. I couldn't discover her anywhere in the room.

"Sarah! If you'd please!" Ginny's voice called and I stepped forward. "I've heard that you were picking a fight with someone very dangerous, so this might be a saver way to let of some steam."

I felt my ears heat up. Ginny was lecturing me and discussing it as a self-defence class! I stepped forward however, without responding and the redhead handed me a grocery bag. Not paper or plastic, but the sturdy kind that were made out of some kind of fabric. It felt heavy and I looked into it. My eyes grew big and I stared at Ginny, who was grinning down at me with a mischievous glitter in her eyes. Cat food?

"Now Sarah, please face the wall and I'll pick someone who'll attack you. The goal of this exercise is to overpower the person who is attacking you with whatever you've got in your hands." There was a small silence as I turned towards to wall and Ginny looked over the group, looking for someone to attack me in the back. She didn't say a name, but it wasn't very hard to guess who wanted to attack me while my back was turned.

I wasn't long before I could feel warm and clammy arms around my waist. Someone was rubbing his hips against my behind, something I did not appreciate. "Did you want your Deatheater to do this Sarah?"

His breath felt warm against my ear. Warm in a way I did not like and that made shivers cascade down my spine. One of his hands found its way down my stomach and without me realizing it, my body came to live.

I elbowed Brian, who else would even consider touching me like that in a classroom?! He uttered a small 'oeff' and stepped back, giving me enough room to bring up my bag. I took a swing and hit the boy on the shoulder with a surprisingly loud 'clank!'

He cringed away and I took another swing, hitting him on the back. I was very bad, but I sort of enjoyed smacking Brian's teeth out. I brought the bag back up again and that was when I saw Lisa being ushered into the classroom by none other than Hermione Granger. Lisa looked very uncomfortable and my arm froze mid swing.

I turned towards them, that being the signal for Brian to at jump me. I landed flat on my back, the bag with cat food landed beside me and a couple of cans rolled away. I gasped for breath and tried to scare away the horrible black stars in my line of sight as Brian pinned my hands above my head. Him being much heavier, I couldn't move so I did the one thing that had saved many women. I jerked up my knee.

Instantly Brian curled up into a little ball and started falling to the side. Every man in the room had made a painful face, but Ginny already was at the boy' side to make him feel a little better. When I looked at him however, it was very clear that he would take his revenge later on. I shrugged and got up, looking over at the door. Hermione was nowhere to be seen, but Lisa was still standing there. She looked like someone had set her grandmother on fire. Something we needed to talk about when this class was over.


End file.
